3 John 1:9 (KJV)
9 I wrote unto the church: but Diotrephes, who loveth to have the preeminence among them, receiveth us not.
Pride itself seems to be so rooted in the core of men. It’s almost like, as men, if we are not aware of ourselves at all times, we risk being prideful just by talking or thinking. The more I read the Bible, the more I see the subtle ways pride tries to infiltrate my life and once more, I realize something new: I love to have preeminence above others. This one tiny sentence in the Bible exposed me to myself and showed me that I love to be over other people. Over them in the sense that my ego grows when I know that I have an edge over someone else, when I know that in some arena, I’m the better man. For example, I don’t share workout tips with my brother because I don’t want Him to look better than me. I don’t like being corrected by my brothers because it seems like they are over me in intelligence and spirituality. I like to be the first one to give out new music. I like to have all the answers so that people can look to me when the whole time I should be sharing in equal unity things that would grow their faith or stir their affections for Christ as it did mine. Some of these examples may seem trivial, but at the core of it, it is me trying to exalt myself a little lower than Christ but definitely higher than my brothers and sisters in the Lord. So, I have to ask myself: Why do I want to feel more important than everyone else? Why do I need to be looked upon by everyone else with respect and admiration? Why can’t I just rest in my person as Christ has identified me? Even though it has been tough lately, I’m glad my eyes have been opened to my natural desire to be preeminent. Lately when I don’t want to share the location of prayer houses, or recipes to good food, or fat burning supplements to other men, or pinterest pages to improve style, a little voice pops into my head, “You love to have preeminence over other men” and I acknowledge it. If my spirit is open to the Spirit of God, I do what I’m supposed to. Even in writing this I realize more of what I need to do, repent and share, hoping that I will only grow more consistent in yielding to the Spirit of God and hope that as my heart softens over time to yield to God, He continues to be merciful, gracious, and patient with my rebellious and prideful heart. It may seem like just another task added to a long list of tasks on this journey. My hope at this point is even if we don’t feel it in our hearts, we can at least with wisdom call it for what it is: a good journey.